Homebodies - Are you listening?

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Published on Monday, August 3, 2015

By Rita Friesen

The Neepawa Banner

Moms and grandmas, do you remember being too busy to really listen as a child repeatedly asked a question or tried to tell you something when we were simply too busy, we thought, to pay attention? We said “yes” when we should not have, ignored warning signs when we should have paid attention. Probably happened to dads and grandpas as well, but there I can not speak from experience! (There were a great many “watch me”s that I missed as well)

Ernest Hemingway said “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” I have to agree. There are times when we listen and hear our interpretation of the spoken words. I thought a bit– just for a brief moment- about our public leaders. They must hear what we try to say, but there are so many differing opinions about what this community, this country, our world needs, that in the end, elected officials have to follow the party line. It doesn’t seem to matter what we say.

Among my circle of acquaintances, there are several individuals that listen exceptionally well. Whether we meet on passing or on purpose, I know that I am being heard. That my words are being processed and assessed. Someone is, for that particular moment, listening. Ed’s standard response to the question we all ask when greeting someone – “how are you”, or “how are you doing?” was “no good”. Too many people had inquired as to how he was doing and blithely continued with their agenda to bother to listen to his reply. I will add that that comment became his trademark, and a twinkling eye often accompanied it. But we all know people who do just that. Ask how we are and never listen for an answer. 

One man I knew could pass through a crowd handing out handshakes and the standard question as to your well-being, and never pause or hear a single answer!

Listening involves silencing self. Not imposing our thoughts, or heaven forbid, solutions, to the course of the conversation. Listening involves silencing self and offering safe space to another to open their hearts and minds and explore their feelings and fears. For a brief moment, we offer, or are offered, an opportunity to think and speak. And sometimes it is in speaking that we hear ourselves verbalizing new thoughts. 

 I come back to my philosophy, everybody has a story. One worth listening to. And they will only tell it when they have a chance, a silence into which they are safe and free to speak.  As much as we appreciate freedom to speak, to talk, so do others around us. There is a place to bite one’s tongue and simply listen. Really listen.